Analysis is a Skill
Well-Learned
by Dane McCaslin
Monday through Friday, 180 days a
year, from 7:10 to 2:20, I hang out with
kids who are almost four decades younger than I. And I do it voluntarily. Yes, there is the paycheck, but I could do
other things with my degrees. Instead, I
choose to teach.
Before you begin oohing and
aahing and telling me that I'm a hero (although I suppose I might be,
academic-wise), know that I learn as much - if not more - from my
students. Their perspectives range from
naive to informed to jaded, and I'm always amazed at the ferocity they display
in defending their points of view. It's
my challenge to help them learn how to channel this intellectual energy into
something productive and useful for society.
After all, they will be voting and defending this country in just two
short years, and I want them to know WHY they do what they do and make an
informed choice. Analysis is not
something we're born with. It's a skill
we need to learn, much as sharing our toys and respecting those around us needs
to be learned.
Hercule Poirot, one of the
classic literary detectives and he of the ’little grey cells’, showed me how
analysis, rather than brute force, was the way to solve a problem. Because I
adore all things Agatha Christie, it should be no surprise that my own books
take several analytical twists before the final reveal of the villain. And it
should be no surprise that my own protagonist, Caro Layton-Browning, is herself
a British expat and writer; her impact on the fairly sedate township of Seneca
Meadows, New York is as forceful as it is comedic. Here is an excerpt from A
Bird in the Hand, Book One of the Proverbial Crime Mysteries.
CHAPTER FOUR
I sat and
observed Ms. Wentworth with concern, although I myself have been guilty of the
same response. When I am misunderstood, I can howl with the best of them.
However, Ms. Wentworth's tears, which were threatening to undo the little
makeup she was wearing, did not seem to fall in that category. I believed that
the woman genuinely loved the mayor's daughter, although in what capacity
precisely I could not say. Still, she was asking for my help, at least tacitly,
and who was I to refuse?
I replaced my
notebook into my bag and left it sitting next to the chair as I walked across
to Ms. Wentworth's desk. I believe in inspiration of the moment, going with the
flow, as they say. I placed a hand gently on her shoulder and felt a renewed
burst of sobbing. Fabulous. Now what was I to do?
I cast about the
room for any sign of tissue, finally spotting a box tucked onto an alcove shelf
near the door. I strode across to it, seized it quickly, and fairly skipped
back to the weeping woman. I extracted several tissues and gently placed them
in the vicinity of Ms. Wentworth's hands. Thankfully, she took said tissues and
lifted them in a clenched fist to pat at her eyes. I stepped back around the
desk and stood in the middle of the office, waiting for the waterworks to
subside.
"I'm sorry,
Mrs. Browning." She was putting the tissues to good use, rolling the soggy
ball around her face and ultimately smearing her mascara into thick black
streaks. "I have no idea why I did that." She finished dismantling
her makeup and tossed the used tissues into a trashcan that sat next to her
desk.
I can recall a
dinner that I attended shortly after the publication of my first book. I was
nervous amid the company of other authors and publishers, and I was tickled
pink to find myself sharing a table with one of my favorite writers.
Unfortunately, I spent most of the evening trying not to stare at the glob of
pesto sauce trapped in his rather generous moustaches, and I admit that I've
not been able to read one of his books since without recalling that night. Not
to mention that I've permanently been put off of anything slightly resembling
pesto since then.
I looked back at
Ms. Wentworth, determined to keep my eyes fixed on hers and not on the abstract
art she now sported on her face. Drawing in a deep breath, I said, "It is
perfectly fine, Ms. Wentworth. Crying can make us feel better, as odd as that
sounds. At least it does me," I added hastily. Lord knows I didn't want to
come across as patronizing. I figured if I sounded like I was part of a
sisterhood of sobbing, I'd be able to get an explanation out of her.
"I do
appreciate your sentiments, I really do, but there is nothing in this world
that will help me to feel better." And with that, Ms. Wentworth broke into
tears again.
I retraced my
steps back over to the tissues, this time grabbing the entire box and plopping
it down on the desk next to Ms. Wentworth. She blindly reached out for a tissue
and managed to knock the box onto the floor. I bent over to pick it up just as
she leaned over, and the resulting cracking of heads made me see stars, another
cliché that I'd just proven to be true. Between fainting at the park, falling
flat on my back, and now risking brain damage, I'd have to make an appointment
to see my doctor ASAP.
"Oh, my
goodness! Are you okay, Mrs. Browning? Oh, I am so, so sorry," Ms.
Wentworth babbled, thrusting one hand out to steady me as I attempted to gain
my feet—and managed to whack me across the nose. I felt, rather than saw, the
blood spurt, and that was the last thing I can remember before my knees
crumpled, and I once again hit the deck.
At least this
time I was closer to the ground and didn't have as far to fall.
For the second
time that day, I came to with Gregory's face bobbing above mine. Instead of
Trixie's incessant yipping this time around, it was Ms. Wentworth's voice that
I heard as she squeaked out an apology to my husband. As I gained
consciousness, it occurred to me that I was the one who should be apologized
to, but that thought was quickly replaced by the concern that my poor nose was
possibly broken. I moved a shaky hand towards my schnozz but was stopped by
Greg's firm hand.
"Leave it
alone, Caro. You'll only make it bleed again." His voice seemed to come
from the far end of a long pipe, echoing around my still swimming head. I
forced my eyes fully open, trying to focus on his face. Ms. Wentworth's anxious
eyes appeared behind Gregory's head, creating the appearance of a two-headed
monster staring down at me. I quickly closed my eyes, willing the sudden nausea
to go away. All I needed was to vomit while in my prone position. With my
current streak of luck, I'd probably choke to death.
I had a sudden
clear thought. How in the world had my industrious spouse known where to find
me? This train of thought spurred me to sit up, which wasn't such a great idea.
I was still quite woozy, and I had to lean into Greg's side as another bout of
dizziness hit me.
"I still
think I need to call the paramedics," Ms. Wentworth said, her voice strung
tightly, now soprano rather than the rich contralto I had heard earlier.
"No, I'm
fine," I managed to mumble, but Greg's voice overrode mine.
"I'm taking
her to the emergency room. This is the second time today she's fainted, and she
needs to have her head examined." I could hear an undertone of amusement
in his voice and wanted nothing more at that moment than to place a swift kick
where it would hurt. Head examined, indeed!
I wish I could
say that I enjoyed the attention I received at the local emergency room, with a
very cute resident flicking a penlight off and on in my eyes and an equally
darling doctor watching from the foot of the bed. I tried, for the first few
minutes at least, to join in the conversation, but a strange hollow feeling in
my ears precluded me from actually hearing what was being said. From the
various looks I was getting, I could tell that I was not making any sense, so I
very wisely decided to stay quiet.
"…blood
work. I'll get the orders written." I caught the tail end of the doctor's
comments and nearly came unglued.
"Absolutely
not!" I said firmly, causing Gregory to jump at least two feet into the
air and the resident to put a hand to his heart as if I'd just given him the
first stirrings of a heart attack. Maybe I did speak a bit loudly, I'll give
them that, but enough with the theatrics! I simply did not want to see another
drop of blood again.
"Caro,"
began my longsuffering spouse, leaning over the safety rail that presumably was
keeping me in place. "The doctor wants to check a few things, and the only
way to do that is to take some of your blood." He backed away from me
slightly upon uttering those last two words.
I glared up at
him. If that was so important, I wanted to ask, why in the world couldn't they
just scrape the blood from my face? Instead, I settled for closing my eyes,
much as my youngest nephew would do whenever he wanted me to believe that he
had disappeared. Maybe if I clicked my heels together as well, I would wake up
in my own house, in my own bed.
Two hours later,
with a diagnosis of slight concussion—no broken nose, thank goodness—and a
prescription for some of the largest sleeping pills I had ever seen, we turned
into our driveway. My car was still parked at His Highness's office, but I was
too groggy to consider how I would get it home.
At least my trip
to the ER had resurrected Gregory's manners. He solicitously opened my door and
held my elbow as we walked up to the house, although now that I think about it,
it was most likely just a preemptive strike against another fainting spell.
Whatever the reason, he did help me into my jammies, put my bloodstained blouse
to soak in cold water, and brought me a cup of tea. I was determined to enjoy
this treatment for as long as I could milk it.
I had a decent
night's sleep, thanks to the shot of Demerol that I'd gotten for the pain in my
nose, and I awakened feeling fairly human. Gregory was still slumbering, lying
on his back, one hand thrown up behind him as if warding off Trixie, who lay
curled between us and snoring to beat the band. Come to think of it, my dear
husband was snoring as well, the two of them joined in a duet of nasal
intonations. I smiled at my two bedmates and then grimaced. My face was sore,
and I felt as though I'd gone a round or two in the ring with a champion
prizefighter.
Sliding one leg
at a time from under the covers so as not to wake either of the sleeping
beauties, I managed to slip from the bed and stand upright, gripping the
nightstand momentarily to stabilize myself. When I was sure I could move
without listing to one side, I tiptoed to the bathroom and nearly fainted
again, this time from shock.
Not only did I
feel like I'd been worked over by a prizefighter, I looked the part as well. My
nose, swollen to nearly twice its size, was centered between two very black
eyes. Good lord, I thought as I surveyed the damage, I'd have to wear
a sandwich board with the explanation written all over it, otherwise my friends
might think that Gregory…I paused mid-thought. No, better to remain silent
about the whole thing and let the world think what it would, I thought a bit
self-righteously. After all, who was I to tell folks what to think?
And with cheery
thought, I started off down the hall to make coffee.
I generally love
the early morning hours. I tend to have the most energy then, and for me it is
not an age thing. I have always preferred the day to the night, except for a
brief time during my late teens. The men in my life, both husband and friends
alike, accuse me of operating only during daylight hours. Once the sun goes
down, I follow suit. It's really not that drastic, but close enough to gain the
reputation of being a sunup to sundown type of gal.
I dragged my
single cup coffee maker to the edge of the granite counter, the better to
insert a tiny container of Nantucket blend coffee. I nearly knocked an African
violet to the floor as I turned to grab a mug from the open shelf near the
stove. It is one of the few potted plants that refuses to succumb to my obvious
indifference.
Eventually, mug
of coffee in hand, I sank into one of the kitchen chairs and stared unseeing
out our window. My mind felt as though cotton had been tucked around all the
edges, which could probably be blamed on the drugs, but it wasn't an unpleasant
feeling. Quite the opposite, in fact. I hadn't sat down and truly relaxed in a
great while.
A slight
movement brought my mind to bear once more, and I leaned forward to get a
better glimpse of whatever it was skulking—yes, I did say skulking—behind the Cat
Lady's house. Either one of her precious felines had learned to walk upright,
or else there was someone who was up to no good.
I got to my feet
as swiftly as my battered body would allow and retrieved my birding binoculars
from my office. Training them on the window, I adjusted the eyepieces and
nearly dropped them in the process. A man, all in dark clothing and working
what looked like a metal bar, was attempting to pry open my neighbor's back
door.
I hesitated,
chewing on my lip as I sorted out a few things, such as, would Gregory still
feel inclined to chivalry this morning? Or perhaps I should be the one to call
in the cavalry. At least I wouldn't get mad at myself for waking me up, since I
was already up and…I stopped. I was arguing with myself while whoever it
was—and maybe it was just an HOA board member, fed up with all the
complaints—let himself into the neighbor's home.
I looked back at
the window, squinting just right to see what the perp was doing. Wait—he'd
moved to another window, and this time I could tell that he wasn't trying to
open anything but was instead squirting a substance along each window frame as
well as the foundation. I gaped, wondering if this was some joke.
Just as I
stretched out my hand to grab the house phone, Cat Lady herself emerged from
the back door. I watched, fascinated, as the burglar pulled the hood off of his
head and accepted the mug that she handed him. Good grief, I thought,
eyeing the tableau with amazement. Was it now considered proper form to hand
out refreshments to criminals?
I saw the man
take a few sips and then set the mug down on the back steps, ostensibly
listening as my neighbor bent his ear about something. Probably raving on
about her wonderful cats, I thought sourly, and then my attention was once
again riveted to the scene before me.
A second
dark-clothed figure had joined them, apparently coming from the front of the
house. He held a long wand-like apparatus in one hand and a large container of
something in the other. It hit me then like the proverbial brick, something my
poor head did not need. They were animal control technicians, there to remove
every one of those mangy animals from the house. I almost laughed aloud in
relief, and might have done so if it hadn't been for my slumbering bedmates
just down the hall. I'm careful to guard my alone time in the morning and had
no desire to share it with a bumbling, stubble-ridden spouse—even if he had
saved me twice yesterday—and a demanding dog.
I had just decided
to find a comfy spot in which to read the morning paper when another movement
caught my attention, and this time I had no doubt about what I was seeing. Mrs.
Grayson was now struggling with the coffee-drinking technician—or burglar, or
whatever he was—as he forced her through her back door, a cloth held to her
nose, followed by the second man, who glanced over his shoulder before he
followed his buddy and my neighbor into the house.
Now what? Did
our local animal control offer other services of which I was not aware? Or had
I just witnessed a crime in the making? Mind made up, I bolted from the kitchen
and galloped down the hall, almost colliding with a yawning Gregory.
"Quick!"
I gasped out, "Call the police! The Cat Lady's being…" Here I broke
off. She was being what? Burgled? No, that only happened when the owner was not
present. Robbed? Perhaps, although who'd want to abscond with a houseful of
cats I had no idea.
"Don't just
stand there!" I shrieked. "The HOA has taken the Cat Lady
hostage!"
About the Author
Dane McCaslin, author of the new Proverbial Crime mystery series, resides in the state of Arizona with her very patient husband. She has been writing all of her life: poetry, short stories, journals, letters (yes, those old-fashioned epistles that require pen and paper), and now she brings her talents to the cozy mystery genre.
In addition to being an author, Dane McCaslin is an educator. She currently teaches advanced language arts classes for grade 11; additionally, she teaches beginning writing classes at the local university. Being an educator is an important part of her life, and passing on her passion for reading and writing is one of her great joys.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
